Alone again, naturally

It's been a while since I last logged into this blog. More than 1 year, in fact. It's also the first time that I'm blogging from my iPad. Hurray! Talk about sharpening my pencil or in this case, a touch screen keyboard.

Anyway, I digress.

This evening, as I was walking home from the car park, I started thinking about what it means to be normal in Singapore. Seriously, I don't think I will ever fitted into the Singapore paradigm.

For example, a typical twenty something Chinese girl in Singapore would have probably have gone to university, starting dating a guy from the same school for about 3 to 4 years. Then they would apply to get a HDB flat and get married. They would host (not to mention paying for) a ridiculous 10 course expensive traditional Wedding dinner for a gazillion distant relatives that they've never met before. Then, they would have 2 kids, struggle to get them into the best schools so that their kids can, in turn, repeat the exact same process their parents did.

What a nightmare. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

I don't think normality suits me. It's like wearing a shirt that every girl in your class is wearing. You try to put it on, hoping that you will get used to it somehow. But you never will because deep down inside, you hate it. Then you pull it off, pick up a pair of scissors and shred the god damm piece of shit into pieces. At last, you feel at peace in your own skin.

I wish I could be normal. I wish I can conform and be contented with how things are. Sure, I see my girl friends Facebook updates about their wedding, their kids and their new flats. Do I get jealous? Yes, sometimes. I feel happy to know that they are happy living their lives. However, at the very same time, I'm scared. I don't want to live my life exactly as the same as my friends.

Are we doomed to be carbon copies of each other? And what about our kids? Are they also doomed to follow our foot steps, just because we fear change?

Sometimes, I feel that living the Singaporean dream is like watching a badly filmed chick flick with a plot so predictable that you wonder why did you waste your time watching it. Why the hell did they even bother making another one?

You know it could have been so much better. You know that if they stayed away from the cliches, things would have been amazing. I'm sure they know it too. But yet, they chose to go down the original path, for the fear that they would disappoint the audiences. Or maybe it's not because they fear what the audience might think or react. Maybe it's simply because they fear that by changing, they might lose everything.

Right now, I feel that I'm standing between the lines of normality and breaking free. If I'm not careful, I may get sucked and consumed by the mind numbing black hole of normality, doomed to a life of being the carbon copy of the next gal on the street.

I am not you.

I shall not be lured into your trap, Singapore.