Had quite a packed weekend.. On Friday.. I invited the gals (Em, Daf & Candice) over for a little PJ party at Gallery Hotel @ Robertson Quay cause I won like a $250 voucher during my promotion last quarter and since I'm pretty much single now, I invited the gals over instead.
Spent the night watching the Asian Games Bodybuilding Finals.. Is it weird to think that the bodybuilder's nipples looked fake? Seriously, how do they make their nipples stand? Do they like ice it or what? I don't mean to be rude.. I would like really like to know.. *wonders*
After checking out, Daf and I went to KTV while Em went to church. Got to talk about life and stuff thats happening around us. Its hard to believe in people nowadays. There are days that I really don't like the human race.
She asked if if I've ever thought life would be better if I had a perfect family or if one of my parents was dead. True, I don't deny that I have had such thoughts before. But then again, I've become a stronger person BECAUSE things happened. I don't think I'll be me if things were different. But there's a part of me which envys people who have perfect lives.. Nice family to go home to.. no worries about money.. Because I do feel scared when I come home. Some days, I'm afraid to go home because I feel that I might walk in and find that my parents have killed themselves.
I'm scared. Cause it might happen.
But there's no other place that I can hide.
Normally, I try to hide my feelings.. Anger. Sadness. I don't want people to know because I don't want them to take pity on me and for the fear that they will judge me. *sighs* Scary thoughts in my mind. Some days I just want to run around amok, screaming at the top of my lungs "FUCK YOU PEOPLE. FUCK YOU." Sometimes, I feel like taking a knife and stabbing a pillow.
Uncontrollable rage despite how hard I try to be happy.
I need a break.
Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.
