Did my back hurt your knife?

Spent the last weekend in depression. Spent most of my waking moments crying, yet again but I'm not too sure what was that all about. Cant pin point to any particular thing/incident that sparked off all the crying. *shrugs*

Maybe I'm just being emotional.

Haven been keeping up with friends much. Put myself as offline most of the time when I'm actually online. Screening my calls. Limiting myself a a very small group of friends. Small but safe group.

Been feeling utterly disgusted and disappointed with the human race in general. Cant explain why I feel that. Maybe its because I've seen so much cruelty in life that I think that there's is no hope for the human race?

Its not a healthy thought. I want to believe in the good in mankind too. But things that happened lately and how friends have reacted/responded have made me feel that one should really choose friends who are worth keeping.

Everytime when things gets hard and I feel like I cannot take another minute of it, I'll turn to friends who I believe knows me and will not judge me. However, despite my better judgement, there are friends who just disappoint me over and over again.

People like Kong, Desmond, Shaun and Kit.. I cannot help but feel that they do not really want me as a friend. For Kong, World Cup is more important that a friend who was close to suicide. Desmond cannot handle the complex issues. Shaun just disappears. Kit just wants to fuck me.

Like life has not fucked me enough already.

I've had enough of people telling me that they want to take away my pain. If one more person tells me that, I swear I'll scream and stuff socks in his mouth. Stop trying to rescue me like some hero or knight. It's not going to work because you'll want to leave once you get tired of being the hero. I've known too many people who tried but failed.

I'm sorry, people. Right now, I really need to be with people who cares for me. People like Em who really cares about how I feel. I want to be friends with you people and I'll willing to give everything I have. But you are not listening to me. You always make me feel like I'm nothing.

I cannot spend another moment being ignored cause I dunno what I will do. I've had enough of giving so much but only to realise that I'm standing out there ALONE.

I'm so sick and tired of all your excuses.

Leave me alone.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.