*tIng wipes sweat off her Linksys wireless Network adaptor.*
Spent the whole of last week celebrating my birthday, starting from:
- Birthday dinner on Tuesday night
- Birthday team lunch on Wed & clubbing @ Zouk
- Dinner again on Thurs
- Chalet on Friday night
- Birthday tea party on Sat night with Daf & Candice
- Movie and dinner with Em
No one understands why I NEED to celebrate my birthday over an extended period of time. I cant explain why too. Maybe to them I'm just a self-loving freak who wants to prove to everyone I exist. Maybe its because I've been ignored and rejected by so many people before me thats why I need to prove that I actually exist. Maybe its because I need to be distracted from how sad I actually feel about my birthday.
Birthdays should be happy events where everyone celebrates your existence in the world. However, for the last 2 years, I've never really felt happy. Last year, my family was evicted, we had no place to stay and had to put up at my Aunt's place. This year, I have a very nice place to stay but my family fell apart. Both happening just a couple of days before my birthday.
Seriously, I cant decide which year was worst.
Well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Happy birthday to me again! And thank you everyone for the presents and well wishes. I hope what you guys said are true. I want to believe that it'll all get better from now on.
I want to be happy. That's my birthday wish.
That's not too much to ask for, right?
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Been reading the book "Capote: A biography" by Gerald Clarke. I love the line that goes:
"Like ivy on the wall, love must fall."
Isn't it true how we know that we cannot love someone anymore and we must let them go? Don't ask me who am i talking about. But I know I have to let him go. I know we are not meant to be. I don't even want to try to fight for him or try to win him over. I know for a fact that if I do so, I may lose interest in him after getting him. Its not about loving him, its about winning him over from another person.
I'll be a nice, for once, and keep my hands off other people's property.
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Kinda miss Don right now.. He's away for another business trip to Korea and the States. Wonder what he'll get for me this time? He knows I love presents and it doesn't have to be an expensive one. I just love to be surprised! Last trip, he bought me a bottle of Hugo boss "Intense" and its wonderful. Loved it. Absolutely.
I've come to believe Don and I are just the male/female version of each other. Broken families, arrogant, cynical and hates most people, too direct for our own good.. He tells me that I'm a negative person. But I think that he's the more negative one. We have this love-hate relationship.
I love to hate him. He hates to love me.
Tells him to fuck off everytime I see/talk/msn/sms him. But yet, he never fails to tell me to be good when he's not around, buys me presents, invite me over to his oh-so-fucking-wonderful-looks-like-its-from-a-magazine apartment and not forgetting, drives me home too.
Sounds perfect right?
But here's the catch, he's not available. Emotionally.
Why are all the guys I meet recently emotionally unavailable? Like that episode in Sex and the City:
Carrie: Whats the point of meeting somebody if they are not available?
Charlotte: Its the universe telling you they are out there!
Miranda: Or its the universe telling you all the good ones are taken.
*tIng shakes her head in despair.*
Yup. All the good ones are taken. The good genes will mix with the good genes and the bad people will mate with the bad people. This is SO in line with the Singapore's SDU strategy.
There's no hope for the human race.
If I ever have a kid of my own, I'll most likely tell him/her, "Hey kid, its a rough life out there. Hold on tight and remember to bring along your hopes. You'll love to hate it. "
I wished that someone would had told me that earlier.
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