Last Wo-Man Standing

Being sick for the past week has gotten me hooked on the Winter Olympics 2006. I'm quite a fan of figure skating and i must say the competition this year is quite interesting.

I particularly enjoy the Women's Individual competition. Japan's Shisuka Arazawa is amazing. Her graceful moves and her jumps are so good. She wins hands down. I'm quite upset that America's Michelle Kwan had to pull out because of a groin injury. She's such a brillent skater as well. I remember seeing her perform at Disney On Ice when i was very young. I was captivated by her beautiful moves on ice. Such grace and flexibility..

Fortunately, the figure skating part is over and I'm finally back at work after a week of rest, ready to CHIONG my sales again. More late nights, stress and hair pulling. I certainly cannot live with stress. Yes. I'm a freak who loves her work for the reason being it is the only thing on Earth that will solely belong to ME.

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Things are kind of messy/horrible/scary/unbearable/irritating right now. In short, the story so far is....

Dad tries to kill himself.

Unsuccessful.

Dad tries to kill Mum.

Unsuccessful too.

Dad tries to kill everyone.

Has not happened yet but I'm just waiting for him to do that.

Its one of those situations which you feel absolutely helpless about. Don't ask me why he did it. I don't know. Its hard enough trying to keep sane without my sister screaming at me because she felt that i don't care about the situation.

Its not that i don't care. But sometimes, there isn't alot that one can do. What should i do?

1) Call the police and get them to arrest my dad? Not possible and not logical. He is, after all, my Dad.

2) Encourage a divorce? No way. I don't think it will do anyone any good. Wun help the situation at all.

3) Ignore everyone and run away? Not possible because firstly, there's NO WHERE to run to. Secondly, its too costly. Thirdly, I still love my family!!

Sometimes, not talking about a problem doesn't mean i'm not doing anything about it. Just because the way i show my concern is different doesn't mean i don't care at all. *shrugs*

I really wonder how long this will last. Maybe when i wake up tomolo, everyone will be dead.

I'm really scared.

I feel like crying.

But I cant.

I cannot be the one to crumble.

Need to be stay SANE.

At least until everyone's dead.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Pill Popping Freak

Have been feeling ill the whole of this week. Fever, Cough, cold sweat, constant vomitting and dizziness. I've never felt so weak in my life.

I hate it when i'm sick. This is the time when i feel vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. I secretly hoped for someone to take care of me, bring me food, medicine etc. I nearly reach out for my handphone and randomly call someone.

Fortunately, i managed to stop myself from doing that.

I may be having a fever but i haven't lost my brain functions. I think i better go slp it off.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Another Word for Thesaurus

Main Entry: lexicon
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: meanings
Synonyms: dictionary, glossary, terminology, thesaurus, vocabulary, word stock, wordbook, wordlist

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Rob the Loved!

Walked past the fruit stall at Taka Shopping Centre during lunch today and saw this:

Heart-shaped Watermelons!

Apparently, on V day, anything and E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G has be to in heart shape.

And since the watermelon was cut into heart-shapes, they were called "Forever Love" and were sold for $1.50 per stick as compared to the normal watermelon which cost $0.60 each.

Damm those suckers.

She did not think very much of Men.

He was 28 years old that year when he met her. A good age to be as he had everything a girl would want from a man. Money, career, a nice condo. He worked out at the gym regularly. "Keeping myself in shape for the ladies", he said to her. He never wore anything that was not branded. He was always at the best clubs, the nicest resturants and the hotels. He had a certain lifestyle which made him stand out from the rest. He thought he was quite a catch to the girls.

She was 21 when she met him. Though not old enough to know everything, she had pretty much seen it all. Having been through quite a few breakups, she did not think very much of men in general, and him in particular.

They met at a club that night. She was wearing a black top with jeans. Her short hair made her looked different from the rest of the girls in the crowd. She was not pretty. In fact, she was quite plain looking. But her eyes said that she was different. Maybe it was because she did not care about him at all.

They danced the night away. He said to her, "You look hot. There are many men in this room who want to bring you home." He put his fingers into her jeans, pulled her closer and whispered into her ear, "Let's go now, to my place."

She looked at him and smiled. She leaned on him, brushing her body against his and said "I'm going home." With that, she walked out of the club, with him following behind her. They got onto a cab. He looked at her for a moment and said, "I can't believe how stupid you are. Alot of girls want me to go home with them. You are so childish." She did not answer him. Instead, she stared out of the windows, looking at the city lights. They were beautiful, she thought.

He placed his hands on her legs and pulled her closer to him. He placed his lips on hers and they starting kissing. When the cab reached her place, they stopped kissing and he said "See you around." She got out and smiled at him. "Thanks. Good night. I don't want to see you again.", she said.

She stood at the roadside and watched the cab drove away. "What an idiot.", she thought. She took out her handphone and deleted his number.

Weeks after that night, he sent her a message, "How about dinner? I want to bring you to a nice place." She did not reply his message. She did not think very much of men.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Infatuation

I wish i could get used to this too.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Application for the position of Java Developer

Below is an actual email that i've received from a candidate who is, apparently, seeking jobs for his ....


Dear Sir/Mdm,

I am writing for my knees who is working in Bangalore, India as a web developer. Her resume is attached for your reference.She is an Indian passport holder. If shortlisted please notify us through mail or call me in hp ********.

Thanks and Regards
G.M

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My fingers aimed for the "Delete" button.

I regret to say that i do not deal with the sales of body parts, whether they are in India or not.

Self-reflection #101

When pus starts to ooze out from the right corner of your eye, it means you have been watching too much porn.

Time to get a life...

Plus a new lover.

End of Self-reflection.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

China's Age of Decadence.

Do you believe in the existance of past lives? Have you ever felt or believed that you are from a certain era or time?

I do.

I've always knew i did not come into this world as a fresh soul. Clean and untainted. (Prob why i've never enjoy company of young people or even people my own age). If i have to pin point to an era which i came from, it would be in Shanghai during the 1900s.

China's Age of Decadence.

How do i know this? Every time i hear the Shanghai Jazz, any pictures or movies, they all seem so familiar. It is as though i'm there again. Its was a beautiful era. Paris of the East. Music. Fine wine and dining. Romantic. Confused. Decline.

I love it.

I love the fact that something can be so beautiful yet so flawed. So confused like a little child. So helpless and ignorant. No one to save it from its decline. Ignorant people dancing and drinking till dawn at the nightclubs, unaware of their own fates.

I'm always very happy when i'm listening to oldies. Singing along softly to them..Shivers down my spine. I'm going to put on my CD now and indulge in a little Shanghai Jazz.

Till next time..

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Curiosity

"Don't stay with me just out of curiosity, but don't leave me straightaway."

Tian Tian, Shanghai Baby

Like this little phrase i got from the book "Shanghai Baby". More often then not, i find that its relatively easy for people to be attracted to me. Most poeple find my thoughts or jokes amusing, hence the attraction. Its easy for them to believe they are "in love" with whom i appears to be.

As the saying goes, "Curiosity kills the cat", in my situation however, it's more like"Curiousity kills men-who-are-self-delusional." Usually, men are disappointed when they realise what they perceive to be true is totally different from the reality.

Its not difficult to fall in love with me.

The difficult part comes from trying to stay in love with ME.

Once the novelty wears out and reality starts setting in, most men leave. Like most of my past relationships. I've never found anyone who stayed quite long enough to know the real me. Why should they? In the present world, where one can fall in and out of "Love" as quickly as the blink of the eye, one should be amazed if they can stay in a relationship for more than 6 months.

I detest it.

*tIng walks away, shaking her head in despair."

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind

Something that i wished for.

How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot?
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
Each prayer accepted and each wish resigned.

A Long Weekend

Had a very very busy day yesterday. Was at work in the afternoon, met the rest of the newbies for costume fitting for the Dinner and Dance next week. We are putting up a little sketch for the night. Yikes! Hope i don't get stage fright..

After costume fitting, some of them had to rush off to attend to their stuff while me, Lili, B and Jaddine had coffee/tea at the nearby CoffeeBean. Talked about work.. relationships... life... It was nice to get to know more about your friends at work.

After tea, i headed over to Chaiyang's place for his Chinese New Year/farewell gathering. It was kinda strange seeing so many of the Sports Club people again. Updates on each other's lives.. Watched "Exorcism of Emily Rose" AGAIN! Stayed there about 9 plus before K picked me up to go to one of his men's birthday chalet.

It was his fren's 21st Birthday party. I don't know the guy but who cares when there's free cake and drinks? HAHAHA.. I'm joking. I just wanted to meet K because i felt that i've been neglecting him. He has been there for me since my Grandma's death, the family squabbles.. I feel bad about not meeting him so i've decided to accompany him to the chalet. Besides, i've always look forward to being his female "companion" to parties.

K sent me home after the chalet. On the cab ride back, i casually told him that B from work asked me out for V day dinner and i totollay freaked out. The thing with V day is that i NEVER get asked out on dates. Ever since 2 years ago, i've sort of decided that i'm not celebrating V day. Instead, i spent last year's V day with Daf and Candice. This year, i was planning to have dinner at a coffeeshop (the least most romantic place on Earth) with Emmeline and the gals. The reason for the choice of the dinner venue is because last year during V day, the gals and I had difficulty finding a place to eat. Billy Bombers actually served Lovers' set ONLY.

Apparently, when you are single, you don't deserved any food.

Anyway, after i told K about it, he said he wanted to ask me out on V day too. This came as a surprised because i thought he was going to spend it with his gf. So i told me i've decided to spend V day with friends and not go on dates

When i reached home, Kongkong called me and asked me if i wanted to watch "Dick and Jane" at TM. I said okay so we booked tickets for the 1240am show. It was not too bad but not very very funny either. I was like '"heeheehee" instead of "HAHAHA". You get what i mean? Went for Supper at bedok 85 market. Over our supper conversation, Kongkong dared me to take my driving license. I retorted and said that its NOT that i don't dare to do it. The reason why i did not take it in the first place is because i've never felt the need to do so since i've always thought it was not environmentally friendly to be driving a car. Ok.. this will lead me into a long discussion on why i think that way so i shan't bore everyone with the details. But since he had issued a challenge, i graciously accepted and told him i look forward to driving HIM around!

Super exhausted by the time we finished supper. Went to slp at 5am.. Sleep is never enough!

Ordered my usual Sunday lunch.. Mac Spicy Meal, Upsize, change the drink to Ice lemon tea. I think the person at Mac who took my orders will realise that i've never eaten anything else. Sometimes, its strange how people stick to one thing forever. Its not that it is VERY VERY tasty. I think its more of the familarity of the thing. Its safe to order it because you already tried it before and you know what to expect and will not be disappointed. I happen to be one of those people who never change my preference, esp when it comes to food. Strange, isn't it?

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Great Expectations

The only way to save oneself from being disappointed is by having no expectations at all.

Night Lights

Even though i said no pictures of me and Kong, but this is a picture of what we saw that night.

Beautiful lights is, isn't it?

A very late Chinese New Year Post

Friday night. Finally gotten myself in front of the comp to start blogging again. New Year came and went as quickly as the snap of the fingers. Didn't really do much over the holidays cause i felt that there was really nothing to celebrate about when your family is kinda falling apart.

I hate the fact that everyone hates each other. I hate the fact that my aunties and uncle are fighting over money issues. Why cant they see the fact that money is not everything? (Though i admit, i think about money ALL the time cause it is SOMETHING that one needs to worry about.)

I miss the times when i was young and we all gathered at my Grandma's place on New Year's Eve. We had steamboat dinner and after which the children played sparklers in the backyard. As we grew older, we ignored each other during dinner and stared blankly at the TV.

Now, we don't even have dinner together anymore.

*tIng sighs.*

Its hard seeing your family fall apart right in front of you. If only i had the courage to stand up and tell my auntie and uncle off. But then, i'll the disrespectful one and my parents would mostly likely disown me and send me off to some island where i'll die alone and hungry.

I cant stand the festive seasons. They makes me feel sad.

Anyway, luckily for me, i had plans with friends over the New Year, which made the holidays slightly more bearable. On New Year's day, i met Kongkong for a round of Warcraft. After which, we had coffee before heading to the New Year's fair at the riverside.

On the expressway down to Marina Square, we actually saw fireworks! We stopped at the roadside to watch the fireworks but it only happened for a few seconds. Such a pity. Pretty things don't always last. *sighs*

I was quite disappointed with the fair cause there wasn't anything special or unique which represents the Chinese culture. I thought it was quite boring. We sat at the riverbank and had snacks, while admiring the city lights. Took many pictures together.. I thot about posting them up but decided against it. I guess i'm not ready for it yet.

After a long walk back to MS, we decided to head home instead. Kongkong drove me home. He walked me up to my place. Just when i was about to step out of the lift, he pulled me back and gave me a kiss on the lips.

*tIng sighs.*

It was a very sweet move. But i chose to ignore that moment for a fact that i know that its very hard for us to turn back time and start anew. I'm not sure of what our relationship is and there are times when i wanted to msg/call him to clarify this. But i stopped myself, of course. I don't want to know the truth.

Well.. at least not now.

Am going to drop by Yufeng's baby chalet tomorrow.. Cant believe she's ONE YEAR OLD ALREADY! Man.. these kids sure grow fast!

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.