Is that all there is?

Sometimes, in life, people try too hard to find the perfect love.

How rich he is, how smart he is, how cute he looks.

But is that all there is?

Maybe its not about those superficial stuff after all.

Maybe it's about how he makes me feel.

The way he makes me laugh.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

The Big Old Questions of "Why" & "Ifs"?

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all thebad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him ... is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
27. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
28. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
29. How is it possible to have a civil war?
30. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
31. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
32. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
33. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
34. Why are haemorrhoids called "haemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
35. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
36. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
37. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn aeroplane made out of that stuff?
38. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
39. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
40. Why the hell am i reading this?

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Defining moments

Spent the last weekend with Kongkong at his place. We have been "causually dating" since he got back from Japan in Dec, which means seeing each other over the weekends.

Sometimes, i wonder where is all this going. My mind is filled with questions that one would usually think of. Is he my boyfriend? Is he my fling/lover? Or is he my ex-bf whom i'm seeing casually over the weekend?

After much thoughts, i realised that i didn't want to define our relationship. For once, i actually felt safe in the grey area. No black. No white. It's comforting not having to label a relationship. The reason being partly because once we labelled the relationship, we'll have to address alot of other issues. Like are we allowed to date other people.. Are we supposed to remain faithful to each other? And all of this boils down to one little questions...

Are we in love?

I think my relationship with Kongkong has progressed to a stage beyond what words can define. We enjoy each other's company. I read while he studies. We watch soccer together. We do groceries together. He holds my hand while driving. Plays with my hair while we watch tv. I love the way he holds my waist while walking me to his car. The way he lets me lie on his chest while we sleep. Not to mention, he has a nice car, a big house with swimming pool and also very generous. And he's very fit too.

What not to like about him?

*tIng shrugs.*

Yet, deep down inside, i don't think we are in love. Well, at least i don't think i am. For the simplest fact that i don't care if he's seeing someone else. We really have nothing in common. He's critical of everything i do. Sometimes, he just nags too much. He always thinks he's right (which, unfortunately most of the time, he is).

Despite all these, we are still seeing each other every weekend. Maybe it is just we are both lonely and need company? Maybe we are enjoying the fact that there's no pressure in our relationship and we can pull out without any strings attached? By not defining a relationship, we have made things simpler. No hard and fast rules on commitment. We can pull out without hurting the other party because he/she wasn't expected to stay anyway.

Have i become so jaded that i no longer care about who holds my hand?

Anyway, been talking to Don.aka.aussie alot lately. He aint as bad as i thought he was. Especially after i got him to see me as a HUMAN and not as some sex toy. We are always arguing. Yesterday, i nearly screamed at him for making racist remarks about Singaporeans. I said he was a stupid ang moh and he retorted, saying that he's not ang moh but he's ABC.

Seriously, i don't see the difference.

But who cares. He's flying away for a business trip tomorrow. Then again, who cares about the stupid aussie?!

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

It never pays to be rude.

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause were going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We dont use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out,you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."

I like this. I've always thought that it never pays to be rude but it never pays to be half-rude either. I'm very supportive of the use of strong languages. Hey.. Its communication! =P

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Old Age

Old Age is when You start feeling sleepy at 9.15pm on a Friday night and realise no one is on MSN cause they are all at a club somewhere.

*tIng shakes her head and frowns.*

I should check myself into an old folks home. I'm going to bed. *Tsk tsk*

Hushand Super Store - Five floors of Men

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands.

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.""Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.""Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went."

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.""Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on!"

So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are f**king impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs."

Would you like a toe or an arm?

Too tired from work. Have been working 12 hours straight for the past week. Absolutely need some time to rest my brain cells, or rather, what's left of them. Hate the feeling of guilt when friends complain they are not seeing enough of me.

I wish i could offer them a piece of me.

*tIng cuts her body into several parts. Blood spurts out everywhere.*

I hope they don't mind it cause its pretty bloody. Would you like a toe or an arm? How about a thigh or an ankle?

*tIng pulls her hair and bangs her head against the wall.*

Tired. Shall not think. Sleep.

*tIng crawls onto her bed.*

Family

Happy families are all alike

Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Sometimes, I wonder

Seriously overworked. Every part of my body is tired. Massive headache. Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong at work. All i want to do is to get home and rest. But when hell breaks loose at home and everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs at each other, sometimes, i cant help but wonder why and who i am working so hard for in the first place?

Emotionally drained.

Why should i keep fight to hold on when no one seems to feel the same way?

I don't want to give up.

Please stop screaming.

I cant take this anymore.

I'm too tired to carry on.

A Rare moment of Joy

My fortune for the Day:

"Let go of dejected memories, it might assist you to obtain an unexpected but romantic relationship."

Durffy's fortune for the day:

"You're putting on weight, time to exercise."

*tIng laugh and pats Durffy on his head.*

God.. These fortune cookies are freakily true. *shivers*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jus finished work after a very long, exhausting day of meetings... I do feel tired physically and mentally. However, i'm not complaining about it. I really love my job now and i'm extremely proud of it. I feel a sense of pride when i tell strangers what i do. Especially now cause i've just seen the rankings in RE for the last month. I'm now at the 17th place! Out of 100 odd ppl!

*tIng pats herself on the back.*

I really feel very happy, even though i may not have someone special to share my joy with. I really want to do even better. This is because career is the only thing on my mind right now. I want to achieve something for myself. I hope that i can do something that will make my mum proud of me.

I want to do well enough to be able to support my family. I don't want them to have to worry if we'll have a roof over our heads. I don't want to have to worry about my next meal. I will do it because this is the least i can do for my loved ones.

Unlike most people of my age, i did not have the luxury of being supported by my parents. Since a very long time ago, i had to work to make ends meet. There were times when i had to worry about my next meal and whether i'll have a place to sleep.

But honestly, i'm thankful for that. I'm a much stronger person after all that had happened. My mum made me realised that it doesn't matter where we stay or how poor we were, the most important thing was that we were together as a family. That's why i'm very determined to not let her worry about me or money matters.

"As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again. "

Scarlett, Gone with the Wind

That's why i'm not going to waste my time, clubbing like there's no tomorrow. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against clubbing. But i just don't want to do it excessively. I know playing too much will not get me the things i want in life. Things i want for my family.. I don't want to be 25 and looking back only to realise that i've not achieve anything.

I'm not young anymore. I don't have time.

"Do not squander time for that is the stuff life is made of."

Benjamin Frankin

Gosh.. I really love my family and my job. Life has never been better.. =P

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Fortune Cookies

Bought these little fortune cookies from 7-11.. Cost about $4.50 for a pack of 36. I like fortune cookies. They are fun to play with but also very very tasty as well.

My fortune for tonight:

"Don't ignore the person beside you, he/she needs your attention."

*tIng looks around the room.*

Nope. Don't see anyone.

*tIng stuff the rest of the cookie into her mouth.*

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Better alone than badly accompanied

Nothing like a nice hot cup of Starbuck's Caramel Macchiato to warm me up on this very very cold evening!

This is life...

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

No Longer mourn for me when I am dead

No longer mourn for me when I am dead
Then you shall hear the surly sullen bell
Give warning to the world that I am fled
From this vile world, with vilest worms to dwell:
Nay, if you read this line, remember not
The hand that writ it; for I love you so
That I in your sweet thoughts would be forgot
If thinking on me then should make you woe.
O, if, I say, you look upon this verse
When I perhaps compounded am with clay,
Do not so much as my poor name rehearse.
But let your love even with my life decay,
Lest the wise world should look into your moan
And mock you with me after I am gone.

Thoughts @ 23.27pm

Internet: Up and running (Hurray!)

Food: Relying on a staple diet of cornflakes, milk, maggie mee with egg, sausages and crab sticks

Cravings: A fucking Biggggg Mac (One of Devil's many manifestations!)

Music: Linkin Park's "Metora"

DVDs/VCDs: Amadeus, Infernal Affairs, Gone with the Wind (All highly recommended)

Books: Louis Chia's "Xiao Ao Jiang Hu"

Obsession: My loooooong nails

Opposite species: None worthy to be mentioned

Movies: The Breakfast Club (1985)

Andrew Clark: What do they do to you?

Allison Reynolds: They ignore me.

Quote of the day: "Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."

Mood: Sleepy

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Easier to Run

Been listening to my "Linkin Park" album again. Thot that this song sorta reflects my current feelings..

Its easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

Its so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken

From deep inside of me

A secret i've kept locked away

No one can ever see

Wounds so deep they never show

They never go away

Like moving pictures in my head

For years and years they've played

If i could change i would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that i made I would

If i could stand up and take the blame I would

If i could take all the shame to the grave i would

Sometimes i remember the darkness of my past

Bringing back these memories i wish i didn't have

Sometimes i think of letting go and never looking back

And never moving forward so there would never be a past

Just washing it aside

All of the helplessness inside

Pretending i don't feel so misplaced

Its so much simpler than change

Its easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

Its so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

New Year's Resolutions

Friday night. Another day of working late at the office. Kinda enjoying my work that i don't mind working late, not even on a Friday night. Been thinking about my New Year's resolutions and what i should do for the next year. Since i'm no longer a contestant in the reality gameshow of "Happily-Ever-After", I thought its time to do something for myself and people around me. So i came up with the following few resolutions:

Grow Up
Now that I'm 22 and officially old, I'll have to grow up. There are certain responsibilities and things one has to do when he/she comes of age.

There are times i wished i didn't have to grow up. Many times, i wake from my nightmares in cold sweat, screaming but no voice escapes me. I wished i was 8 years old again. Wished that i could crawl into my mum's room and climb in to the safety of her bed. But i cannot do that anymore. My mum needs her daughter to be grown up.

Pick up new sport
Last year, i've already done rock climbing and blading. So this year i'm thinking of picking up some new sport such as kick-boxing or yoga. I've thought of deep sea diving but i figured that my feet really prefers dry land, so thats kinda out. Maybe i should consider taking up a new dance class. Exotic dance?

Pick up a new language
Due to the many events that happened last year, my plans to pick up the French course was put on hold. I'm thinking of taking it up but no clue as of when i'll take it up.

Become a Semi-Vegetarian
As you may already know, my folks have all turned vegetarian last year, leaving me the only meat-eater in the family. So i've sort of decided that i should try not to eat meat (red) for this year. No more steaks (despite the fact that i love steaks!)... no more pork too.. I shall stick to eggs, chicken, milk and lotsa veggies! Good luck to me!

Donate to the charity
I'm not a saint. I would prefer shopping/blading/sleeping on the weekends than to volunteer at a old folks/children home. Hence, i've decided i should do what best next. Donate more to the charity. Yes. Even NKF.

Go on a Vacation
Planned a trip to Thailand for my birthday this year. Its actually a trip with my poly mates. Something that we were supposed to do last year after graduation. Since my birthday is near the June holidays, we have decided to celebrate my birthday overseas! Shopping!

Have opinions
I simply don't want to say "I don't know."

Less Judgemental/Critical
Guess one should be more tolerant of other people around simply because the world is not made up of you and you alone.

Read
Re-read all my Louis Chia novels~ They are collecting dust on my bookshelves.

Last but definately NOT the least..

BE TRULY HAPPY.

That's all i can think for now. Be back with more.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Goodbye 2005, Hello 2006

It’s the 4th day of the year today. Haven been able to blog much due to the many holidays these 2 weeks. Things came and went. I’m still feeling quite disoriented, trying to get used to the fact that 2006 is here.

*tIng sighs.*

Spent the last 2 weeks thinking about all the stuff that happened over the last one year. Honestly, I feel exhausted and drained just thinking about it. I started the new year working 3 different part time jobs at the same time. Not to mention, i was trying to get over a failed relationship. Finally, I settled down, working as a small boutique selling upmarket Chinese apparel. I was having quite a good time, working and clubbing way too much with army boys.

However, just when my birthday was around the corner, my family had to move to my aunt’s place because my new flat was not ready yet. Being forced to move was horrible. No privacy, no space, no late night parties, sleeping on the floor with my mum and sister… It was awful.

I didn’t expect to fall in love. But I did. I thought I could finally stop looking and actually be with some one.

It was also at that time when my Grandma was diagnosed with cancer. Not forgetting Durffy too.

Work started to get really unbearable. I tried to deal with it because I needed the money. But it wasn’t working. Finally, I was being bullied in quitting my job. Did I mention it was an old auntie?

After that, I took up my current job as a Consultant. A total change of environment. An MNC. Real working world with adults. I had to try hard to fit in. I can’t say that I was all prepared for the change. But I had to stick with it. I needed the money. I guess the good thing is that now that I’m 5 months into my job, I actually like it. I look forward to work and I’m getting better at it.

I sort of expected that life wouldn’t be so kind to me. When one side of my life was going well, another side fell apart. I fell out of love. And this time, I fell hard. I saw it coming but couldn’t do anything about it. I no longer believed in love. Getting over a relationship was hard. Dealing with the loneliness and the thought of spending Christmas and New Year alone was tough

After the breakup, I started spending more time at work. Also, my cousin committed suicide and my uncle died too. By this time, Grandma was in and out of the hospital quite often.

The last straw came when my Grandma passed away a few days before Christmas. It was hard for all of us. I felt guilty for not spending enough time with her. But I know I can never make it up to her now.

I spent the last day of the year at home. No mood to celebrate. I just wished to the year to pass quickly.

*tIng sighs.*

I hope 2006 will be a better year.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.