Just a red speck on my arm

Had really bad pains in the stomach yesterday night.. Couldn't sleep much.. Ard 4 am in the morning, i woke up suddenly, feeling scared. I was in cold sweat and the back of my neck was completely soaked.

Took half a day's leave this morning to see a doctor. Tried to explain to the doctor wat was wrong.. told him that the pains usually comes and goes and it has been like that since the past 6 months. I also told him that there were internal bleeding. He couldn't really tell me wat was wrong with me. So he suggested a blood test. Like most normal people, i asked him what was the blood test for.

When doctors want to stab you with a needle, you ask them what's its for first right?

He said cancer.

I blanked.

He said it might be some ulcers and it may be cancer but we cant be sure until the test results comes out. It'll take about 2 days' time.

I'm sure its not TAT serious.

Most prob just some internal bleeding from ulcers.

I'm sure i'm fine.

Didn't want anyone to make a big deal out of this so i told people at the office that i didn't know what was wrong with me and its just a routine blood test. *shrugs*

Sally msged me today to find out hows the booking of the room at the SAF Yatch club. I told her it was too expensive and way out of my budget. Tim couldn't book for us cause he already booked Danny's chalet for the week after. The gals suggested going to Hotel 81 but i disagreed. I've been to those places and trust me, they are not suitable to people like Yanwen or Eva. Then the gals wanted to rent the Coasta Sands chalet which costs $300+ bucks.

*tIng vomits blood at the thought of the money.*

I told Sally very frankly i don't have that kind of money. I have to pay for housing loans, bill, transport and meals. I don't have money to spend it like that. I didn't want to say this earlier when i didn't want to join them for buffet after Sat's blading. Its not because i didn't want to go but i only had $5 in my pocket.

I think they got upset cause i didn't want to go. I didn't want to make a big deal so i just told her i cant go cause of some health problems. I didn't want to tell her about the blood test or anything because the last thing i need right now is more questioning and explaining WHY i need a blood test.

*tIng pulls her hair in fustration.*

I don't want anyone to know about this. The test results are not out yet so nothing's confirmed. I'll tell them if something's really wrong. But i just hate it when people ask me questions which i do not have answers to. I'm kinda relieved that i'm not with anyone right now. At least if i die *touch wood*, nobody would be tat upset or heartbroken.

The pain of living day after day without a loved one is the greatest torture.

Anyway, regardless of the results, nothing will stop me from going to Danny's chalet next friday! No matter how serious it is, it can wait till after the chalet.

I'll deal with it later.

Right now, i just want to chill and do my puzzles.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.