Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life.

Too much happened lately. Too many deaths in the family and i fear that there may be more to come. Too much unhappiness. Some days, I wish to disappear but cannot do so. Often enough, the only happiness in my life is the fact that people cannot contact through my handphone anymore.

Sense of relief.

Lately, dinner is spent eating alone in from of the laptop, surfing the net or watching vcds. Turned down friends invitations for meet up. Avoiding human contact. Too easily affected by others. Words they say, things they do or even things they don't do leads to a whole range of emotional reactions in me.So much so that i need to detox from friends. Yes. Even the boys.

I welcome the peace.

Not having to talk when i don't want to. Not having to smile when i don't feel like it. There's 2 different persons in me. One is the friendly outgoing gal, known to most ppl as Meiting. And there's tIng, the not so happy twin of the two.

Often, tIng likes to be alone, minding her own business. Shes doesn't like people poking their noses into her affairs. Neither does she likes to care about other peoples thoughts or feelings. tIng's very selfish. She just likes to do what she wants and get what she wants. She doesn't like people saying things like she has no friends. She does have friends, only thing is that she doesn't want them to be around her too much.

Life's too short to spend it around unnecessary people.

tIng knows she's mean and unfeeling. But she's happy being that way. She's too arrogant to admit that she's lonely at times. She doesn't like to show any signs of weaknesses. Loneliness, is a sign of weakness. She craves for love but she despise men. She hates all men and will not forgiven those who has forsaken or betrayed her. She's learning to forgive them. But she'll never forget.

Eventually, she'll figure things out.

But right now, she's happy.

Eating her quiet dinner in front of the laptop.