Fuck You. I'm Not Ok!

Met Yanwen and Eva for lunch today at the kopitiam near their place. Was having a bad hangover from last night's drinks. But nevertheless, i was determined to go blading since i missed last week's session due to RE's workshop.

Bought this cap from one of the push carts at East Coast. I've always wanted a red colour cap. But after trying on the red cap, i thought i looked better in black. Its like i wanted a red cap my whole life only to realise that it was not suitable for me. *shrugs*

Fell down TWICE today during blading and now i have cuts on my left thigh.. The first time i fell, it was not so bad even though i fell on my back. Normally, i would have just gotten up, dust off the dirt and would just move off. However, this group of guys/gals skated pass me and one of the guy in ORANGE tee-shirt shouted at me and asked me if i was ok.

*tIng raises her eyebrow.*

Its normal to ask people if they are ok if they fall, right? But this stupid fella asked me, if i may quote him, "You ok anot? Say you ok."

There i was sitting on the ground, very much in pain and all he did was to gloat over my misery! His friends were even laughing with him! I got pissed off and i told him "FUCK YOU. No, i'm not ok." He was shocked, of course and he just skated off asap. Then, i got up and shouted in their direction.

"You don't ask ppl if they are ok when they fall! You help them! Bitch!"

I admit i may have over-reacted. I'm sorry i did. But what he did was ridiculous! I don't know why i got pissed. Normally, i would have just ignored them and moved on. But today i just lost control of the rage in me.

This scares me.

Lately, i've began to feel that i'm losing control over my rage. I know the consequences of this. I may do things to try to vent my anger. I may hurt myself again. I know this so i'm trying to stop it. I don't like me when i'm angry. I look in the mirror and see the anger, saddness and pain in my eyes.

Almost evil..

But i'm not going to lose this time. I'll fight it and keep it within me. Sally and gang went to Louis chalet after blading. I didn't join cause i really didn't feel like talking to other people. Also, i really needed to calm down. Justin dropped me off at one of the bus stops in Pasir Ris. I was supposed to take a bus home. But after waiting like lightyears for the bus, i gave up and decided to walk home instead. The bus stop was pretty far from my home but i didn't care. I just carried on walking.

If i told you i got myself lost on purpose, would you believe me?

I just wandered around. I knew it was the wrong direction to take but i just walked on anyway. I didn't want to go home so i just explored the area. I walked for like one and a half hour. Kinda made peace with myself.

Finally reached home.. Took a quick shower and i'm heading out for drinks again.. Till next time

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.