I do not have a psychiatrist.

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.
- James Thurber

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

They usually comes as a set. Get it?

Time : 10 am, Sunday morning

Who the hell in their right mind would get up so early on a Sunday morning?!!

*tIng raises her hand and waves it frantically in the air.*

I'm awake now because i slept for 13 hours straight! *evil laugh* Actually, i was thinking of going running in the evening. However, judging by my situation now, i might die while running. Sad.. I miss running.

At this very moment, i'm actually scolding a guy on msn. Somehow, this guy got my email add and added me on Msn. The moment he started chatting, he asked me if i wanted to meet him for hugz. *raise eyebrow* He then moved on to talk about how itchy his cock was.

*tIng pulls her hair and screams!*

Why is it that i ALWAYS meet bad men?!!! Since when was it ok to talk to strangers about your cock?! Why is it that, after millions of years of evolution, men still don't get it?

Asking gals you don't know for sex = NOT OK

Why cant men get it? Gals have sex with guys they love. First comes love.. then comes sex. Love and sex comes as a set. Like Macdonald's meals.. Burgers and fries. A set meal. Is
it so diffcult to understand that?

*tIng bangs her head against the wall.*

I like to complete my meal. Somehow, it doesn't feel right just to have the burger without the fries or fries without the burger. Don't you agree?

Men are such cheap bastards. What happened to the grey matter called brain cells? Why cant they use their head (NOT DICKHEAD!) to think? Especially the guy who msn me. I gave him a piece of my mind. (Though i think he need more than a piece on my mind to make up for his lack of brain matter.) Basically, in short, i told he's a disgrace to mankind and his parents. He is a cheap bastard who is so low that he cant even pay for sex. He's worse than a whore. He's nothing but scum. Actually, he is even lower than scum. Maybe the earthworms who eat scum. No.. He's the shit that earthworm passes out after eating scum. I also told him that he'll get Aids and die a horrible death.

I'm so disgusted by men.

This is the reason why more gals are becoming lesbians. Men don't use their brains and i'm so sorry that i have to say this! In think i'm better off dating a headless male mannequin. At least it has a better body than most of the men out there. And i don't mind it being headless cause men NEVER use their brains.

I'm better off dating a mannquin

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Saturday, 6.01pm

Saturday, 6.01pm.

Location:
Still at work... Just finished workshop. =(

Health Status:
Blocked nose, Fever, Headache.

Work Status:
Trying to find candidates for Clients.

I'm going crazy. My head hurts like hell and i cant breathe. Just finished my orientation workshop.. Did a personality test which was quite interesting.. The results? Here it goes:

Eagle

Strengths:

• Strong-willed
• Independent
• Practical
• Visionary
• Leader
• Productive
• Decisive
• Risk taker

Weaknesses

• Domineering (reasons why most guys fear me)
• Cold and unemotional (more reasons why guys run away from me)
• Impatient
• Impetuous
• Unforgiving (reason why i have not forgiven most of my ex)
• Sarcastic
• Cruel (I don't think i am but... *shrugs*)
• Manipulative (Again.. I don't think i am.. *shrugs*)

Communication with Eagles:

• Provide direct answers, be brief and to the point
• Ask "what" questions, not How
• Stick to business, results they desire
• Outline possibilities for person to get results, solve problems, be in charge
• Stress logical benefits of featured ideas approaches
• When in agreement, agree with facts and ideas rather than the person

Yupz.. Thats me.. I'm cruel and manipulative. I'll eat everyone alive. Stupid personality tests!

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

I still believe in Panadols

Another day passed. My sales closing this month is BAD. Argh! Upsetting.

*tIng takes out a big hammer and knocks her head repeatedly.*

My stupid candidate CRO (Candidate Reject Offer) today! Fucking hell.. She was supposed to sign the LA (Letter of Appointment) today at 7pm. But at 10.30, she called me and told me she didn't want the job. She had a better offer.

*tIng takes out a rope and strangles herself.*

What the hell? Sometimes, i get so pissed by my candidates. Why cant they make up their minds! I nearly blew my top at her.

Relax... Take deep breaths... Breathe in.. Breathe out..

I'm supposed to close this month at $12k. Guess what?! My closing is only $2.6k. ARGH! Fucking hell... This month is a bad month for me.. Emotionally.. Mentally.. Physically.. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. My job.. My Grandma.. Me falling sick..

When will this STOP?!

*tIng takes out a knife and stabs herself repeatedly.*

Haiz.. I should sleep. My fever keeps coming back today despite the panadols i've taken. Apparently, 2 panadols every 4 hours doesn't work. *points 3rd finger* I'm so determined not to see a doctor, mainly for a few reasons. One, i'm not a confirmed staff yet so i cant claim my medical fee. Two, i'm fucking broke. Three, i still believe in panadol.

There! 3 good reasons NOT to see a doctor. Time to drown myself with water and, of course, 2 panadols.

Goodnight everyone. Hope your life is better than mine.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

8 Panadols and Counting

Feeling quite awful right now.. What started as a flu has developed to fever and body aches.

*tIng shivers slightly.*

Went to visit my grandma just now. She looked smaller. Frail and weak, lying on her hospital bed. I felt helpless. She's in pain but yet i couldn't help her. No one can. Not even the doctors. They can only give her morphine to ease her pain.

*tIng sighs.*

Death.

Something that comes to all of us at some point of our lives.

But why is it so hard to accept and deal with it?

Tonight, i have no answer to that question. Shall not think about it. Am going to take medicine and go to bed.

8 panadols and counting.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

There're no Martians, right?!

Just got home from yet another of my most unproductive days at work. Its starting to rain over at my side of the world. Gloomy weather these days.. Kind of saddening.. Don't get me wrong. I do love the rain but sometimes, just sometimes, the coldness of the air gets to me and i feel very vulnerable.

Have been listening to the movie soundtrack (which i dug out from my CD collection) and was thinking about the past. I wished that i could go back to the time when i was in my teens. To go back to the time when we were young and had nothing to lose. No baggage. No burdens. Nothing.

Nothing at all.

There are times in my life when i feel the need to rebel. Rebel against the world and what it has taught us to be. I just want to throw everything aside and challenge the rules. They are not always right! Why is it that i must conform to the society and the rules and regulations they impose on my life?! Why?

*tIng runs around the room, screaming "RAGE! REBEL MY FRIENDS!"*

As you all can see, i can only do this in my mind. I haven't found a worthy cause yet. But i'm sure someday i'll find it. Some cause so great that i'll drop EVERYTHING to rebel for it. But right now, i'll have to go back to reality. Go back to being just another normal office gal.

*tIng shrinks smaller and smaller till she no longer can been seen by the naked eye.*

*ahhh choOo* Its damm fucking cold today, isn't it? I think i'm coming down with something cause my throat hurts and my ears are blocked. * ahHhh cHoO* And now, i'm sneezing too!

*tIng grabs a tissue and blows into it LOUDLY.*

Oh.. This cant be good. It cant be good when your mucus is yellowish in colour. Damm.. I'll have to drown myself with water tonight.

Random thought:
What colour will a Martian.aka.little green man be if he got sunburnt? Is he,

a) Red
b) Brown
c) Green (unchanged)
d) None of the above (because Martians aren't afraid of sun?!)

I was thinking about this question and i sort of figured that maybe sunburnt Martians are like pandan cakes?! Brown on the outside and green on the inside?! *shrugs*

I apologise to everyone for my silly questions.

There're no Martians.

Right?!

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

YongFook

YongFook has got to be the cutest guy alive!

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Let Me Bleed.

Dug out a very old album... Kinda loved this song from the soundtrack. I wun say which movie it is. =P Figure it out yourself ba.. Anyway, i've always thought of songs in different colours. Is that strange? If i have to describe this song, it'll be blood red and black...

Sleep for centuries Closer next to me
Pretend the rain has stopped, a burning thought
A soul is lost

Spring can make a change Miss you once again
She's hoping that someday, the prince will come
To love to stay

Lay your hands across my bleeding heart
Gently feel the pain please make it stop

My tears are just the same
It's funny how people change
Tomorrow seems so far away
Your love will never fade

Can't say I didn't try
Those words are hard to find
Remember how we slipped away
My heart will always stay

If I care, I'll get lost
If I try, life's too short

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

I'll walk away.

I'll walk away, and he won't even notice.

Why? You ask.

Because he never saw me standing there in the first place.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

I don't really Care

*tIng walks into the room, barely able to stand straight.*

*oUcH.. OuCh.. OuCh... Ouch... tIng sits down on her sofa.*

#@$$%$%$^ KNN Cheebye.. My tailbone is hurting like mad. I think there's a bruise from the fall yesterday. Couldn't sleep properly cause everytime i turn on my bed, i can feel the pain. Irritating..

But i'll survive!

Was home around 1 plus yesterday night.. I was WAY TOO drunk to stay at Fishermen Village. If you saw a girl fighting (physically) with her friend, thats ME. *laughs* I was punching Danny and he threatened to throw me into the sea! Hahahha. Its always very fun to fool around with my boys. We get into fights and i always end up being bullied into saying sorry.

I was so gone last night i basically had no image to speak of. But who cares?! People may think stuff like "Oh my god, this gal so wasted. tsk tsk" But seriously, who cares! I only get this high when i'm with Danny and Tim. And it was FUN! *laughs* Even though i did puke after that and it was way too unglam..

BUT SERIOUSLY WHO CARES!

I'm going to swear off mixing of drinks! Yesterday, i thot strobe + beer kinda tasted nice. I drank 4 mugs! And now i have a headache! *tsk tsk* I should have known not to mix my drinks..

Played silly card games for a while.. About 12 plus, Sally, Yanwen, Eva and Justin came to join us at FIshermen. I was kinda caught between the 2 group and i couldn't get them to talk much. But seriously, i don't really care. I just wanted to sit there, have my drinks and do nothing but CHILL.

My boys + gf played their drinking games while the gals + one guy played their card game. Too high to join in any games which required brain cells. I just stared at the sky and stoned. The sky looked really nice yesterday and the moon was kinda red in colour, making the nice even more beautiful.

I love chilling with my friends.


Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Fuck You. I'm Not Ok!

Met Yanwen and Eva for lunch today at the kopitiam near their place. Was having a bad hangover from last night's drinks. But nevertheless, i was determined to go blading since i missed last week's session due to RE's workshop.

Bought this cap from one of the push carts at East Coast. I've always wanted a red colour cap. But after trying on the red cap, i thought i looked better in black. Its like i wanted a red cap my whole life only to realise that it was not suitable for me. *shrugs*

Fell down TWICE today during blading and now i have cuts on my left thigh.. The first time i fell, it was not so bad even though i fell on my back. Normally, i would have just gotten up, dust off the dirt and would just move off. However, this group of guys/gals skated pass me and one of the guy in ORANGE tee-shirt shouted at me and asked me if i was ok.

*tIng raises her eyebrow.*

Its normal to ask people if they are ok if they fall, right? But this stupid fella asked me, if i may quote him, "You ok anot? Say you ok."

There i was sitting on the ground, very much in pain and all he did was to gloat over my misery! His friends were even laughing with him! I got pissed off and i told him "FUCK YOU. No, i'm not ok." He was shocked, of course and he just skated off asap. Then, i got up and shouted in their direction.

"You don't ask ppl if they are ok when they fall! You help them! Bitch!"

I admit i may have over-reacted. I'm sorry i did. But what he did was ridiculous! I don't know why i got pissed. Normally, i would have just ignored them and moved on. But today i just lost control of the rage in me.

This scares me.

Lately, i've began to feel that i'm losing control over my rage. I know the consequences of this. I may do things to try to vent my anger. I may hurt myself again. I know this so i'm trying to stop it. I don't like me when i'm angry. I look in the mirror and see the anger, saddness and pain in my eyes.

Almost evil..

But i'm not going to lose this time. I'll fight it and keep it within me. Sally and gang went to Louis chalet after blading. I didn't join cause i really didn't feel like talking to other people. Also, i really needed to calm down. Justin dropped me off at one of the bus stops in Pasir Ris. I was supposed to take a bus home. But after waiting like lightyears for the bus, i gave up and decided to walk home instead. The bus stop was pretty far from my home but i didn't care. I just carried on walking.

If i told you i got myself lost on purpose, would you believe me?

I just wandered around. I knew it was the wrong direction to take but i just walked on anyway. I didn't want to go home so i just explored the area. I walked for like one and a half hour. Kinda made peace with myself.

Finally reached home.. Took a quick shower and i'm heading out for drinks again.. Till next time

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Elva.Song.Lyrics

看黑夜天空 想起你的手

指过的那个星球

泪已不常流 因为已接受

分开了 你是快乐的

不幸福的人到现在还很多

至少你不是其中一个 在我退出后

我爱你那么多 所以那么痛

当我发现我 挡在你逐爱的途中

我爱你那么多 爱得那么痛

每次入睡后 都作了同一个梦

你转身轮廓

命运暗示过 你的爱永远

像那颗遥远的星球

你是诚实的

我现在明白了

受伤了 人才会成熟

从来不知道自己如此的软弱

当我发现不敢再爱了 那一刻才懂

那一颗你指过的遥远星球 像一个我永远都到达不了的一个梦

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Pure.Mindless.Fun

Am in the office now. Awfully late today cause i overslept (on purpose).. Maybe should blog about what happened yesterday night ba..

As everyone can see, last night did not start off good. In fact, it was a bad start. I should have known. It was God's way of telling me to stay at home. I should have listen. But of course, given my rebel persona, i just went ahead cause i was determined to have fun.

Pure mindless fun.

K came to pick me up and we took a cab to this club named "DXO". We were supposed to be attending this private function because his friend's wife was performing. Met alot of new ppl. Digusting army boys. Navy divers *pukes* Commando officer *pukes again* I should stop hanging out people like that. But on second thoughts, going out with them meant that all my drinks transport are provided. *considers* Ok. I'll stop whining abt them.

I had one lychee martini (proudly sponsered by K, of course). Maybe it because i was tired. Maybe its because i wasn't in a good mood. I couldn't finish it. I was so gone after half of it. Not good. So not me to get wasted. But luckily, i didn't puke or anything. The club was boring. Quite executive type. Certainly not my type. Was officially bored by 12.30 am so K sent me home. I think i broke my record. This IS the earliest time i left a club.

Gosh.. I must be getting old.

Anyway, reached home when i realised Danny called me 4 times! Quickly called him back.. Chatted with him for a while before i dozed off. Missed Danny and Tim alot.. Wished we could live together and hang out everyday. But of course its not possible because Danny has a gf and Tim is leaving for Aussie soon.

Sad thoughts. Refuse to listen to those thoughts now.

Was thinking about Danny and his gf yesterday. Their petty quarrels are not even worth mentioning. But its very sad for people so much in love with each other to be so short sighted with their future. Communication breaks down. So you should try other ways to talk to each other. Why break up?

I told Danny the other day my relationship with Commitment-phobic guy broke down because he wasn't giving me a chance to work things out. He was shutting me out emotionally. Not talking to me about how i can change or anything. Its like giving me a death sentence without a trial. *shrugs* I've tried talking to him but he just keep hiding from me. I was willing to change. Did i push him to hard? I just didn't want to give up. I wanted him to be there to hold my hand when we are old.

But i guess that's never going to happen. *bitter laugh* He seems much happier without me and thats a fact. My last gift to him isn't anything expensive. Its his freedom. There are many people who are unhappy in this big world. And i'm just glad that i took that place for him and he's not one of them now.

Well, enough of this.. I'm still going blading this afternoon with the gals. Maybe meet up with Danny and Tim at night for drinks.

I'm dying for another drinking session.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Not a Good Start

All dressed up. Ready to go. Shit. Cant find shoes. Shit. Hp line cut off. Shit. Fuck. Hell. Still cant find shoes. Must wear ugly shoes. Damm. Damm. I hate this. Why?. Read blogs. Upsetting news. Fuck. I hate men. Shit. Ugly shoes do not fit nicely. Shit.Must go out to get Prepaid card. People stare. Fuck. Get wrong card. Feeling like killing myself now. Run to shop. Get right card.Forgot IC. Must run home get IC. FUCK.Everything is wrong. Everything IS WRONG. Run home. Call K. K not ready. Must wait 30mins. Call Danny. Danny ok with Gf. Good. At least someone is happy. Still upset. Must get over. Must blog when back. Hope find happiness. If not, must have fun with K. Finally. Found good shoes at home. Change ugly shoes to good shoes. Check friendster. 100+ views in 24 hours. Strange. Very strange. All men. Digusting men. One gal. Gal good for now. Must have drinks. Must get over this. Shit.Feel faint now. Feel faint very frequently lately. Puking every morning. Something is wrong with self. Must see doctor. No money to see doctor. But dying is more expensive than see doctor. So will see doctor and will try not to die. Mood swings are bad. Sometimes happy sometimes sad. Sometime happy for 1 sec and sad for 1 sec. Exactly one month anniversary. Must get over. Must find toys. Check mail. 30 msg from men. Disgusting. Something wrong with Friendster. Too many desperate men. Must report all.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Threesome!

I'm officially stoned. For the past 2 days, i've slept like less than 8 hours all together! Reason? No valid one i would say... *grinz*

Met M for a short talk yesterday at ard 10plus.. Very enlightening but somewhat uncomfortable because he asked me alot about my thoughts and feelings. I couldn't answer some of his questions and i ended feeling very confused by my own thoughts. How can a person be confused by herself? *wonders* I guess i really have not thought it through yet. *sighs*

Slightly past midnight, Danny called me and told me they were at the multi-storey car park near my place. Apparently, he had another fight with his gf. Shan't go into details about that.. As the "Queen" in our relationship, i demanded for them to pick me up so that i can save on my cab fare, which of course they didn't not give two hoots about ME.aka.THE QUEEN.

Point to note: I used to name myself Princess but i thought it was about time i upgraded. Life in Singapore is all about upgrading, isn't it?

Anyway, i took a cab and met them at the car park. Fantastic view from the top storey. And it was nice, cooling and empty. They could tell that i was feeling depressed, despite my cheerful front. Danny said they know that i'm feeling low, patted me on the back and said i'll get over it.

I like my boys. I like the fact that i don't have to talk about things that i don't want to. Its those kind of very manly kind of conversation. Pat on the back and nod your head. The way guys and gals behave are so different. With gals, we are expected to share information, right down to the nitty gritty details. We have to explain feelings, thoughts and actions.

With guys, I don't have to do that all the time. I can talk about it WHEN i feel like it. There's no obligation. A little less tiring i would say...

We talked, and talked and talked. Did stupid things.. senseless silly things that only guys would be capable of.. And it was really nice.. Just the 3 of us.. I have to say this.. There's a lot of guys out there in the world but there's only 3 guys who will NEVER NEVER LIE to me..

My Dad, Danny and Tim.

All 3 of them dote on me alot. Danny and Tim may not give in to every single one of my demands or my whining. But they do really care about me.

BROTHERHOOD!

THREESOME!

MAY WE CONTINUE TO TORMENT EACH OTHER TILL THE END OF TIME!

Was on the bus just now, staring out of the window and letting my thoughts run wild.. At 7.34pm exactly, i received a msg that made my heart skipped a beat!

"Wanna meet tmr night? We are going to this new club"

*tIng's eyes lights up immediately."

Clubbing?! Ohh.. I cant wait! I'm all excited just thinking about what to wear! Its time to party and let the hunt begin!



Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

222 msgs and still going strong

Here i am, sitting in my dimly lit living and blogging on my sis's com.. Its been kinda hard week. No sales. Bad headaches. I think i might die before Friday. *sulks*

Been talking to M for like the last 2 days straight... Its been msn.. msgs.. talking on the phone.. msg.. 222 sms and still going strong. I'm amazed. I should actually present M with a medal for the "Survivor of the Year". The only man (note that i use the word man instead of guy here as to reflect the difference in maturity) who has survived a 5 hour conversation with me. Its kinda refreshing to hear about stuff of a deeper level from him. He is, after all, a counseller.

After 100 odd msgs, he concluded that i was the following:

"Chatty, Outspoken, Fairly dominant nature, Probably nice looking, Volatile temperamen, defensive on certain issues, Rebel persona with a fair amount of emotional scars."

I have to say.. He's quite right about me. I mean, this man has never met me in person but he practically described me perfectly. However, due to my defensive nature, i would have to say words only will never be enough to describe me fully. If i have to put a figure to it, i would say 70% of me can be describe using words, 20% of me can be known through observation of my behaviour and 10% of me you'll never me able to understand fully. This 10% is the part that's ever-changing. Everyone changes with time and situation. So i guess no one can ever say that they understand another person fully.

Was bored on the home and i began to think about my work as a consultant.. The whole "match-making" people with company.. Suddenly, i had, a silly but nevertheless, interesting idea.. I shall come up with a Job description for my dream guy.

Requirements:

• At least a Diploma or Degree holder in any area
• At least 1 to 2 years working experience
• Males preferred but females with interesting personalities are welcome
• Males should have completed their NS
• Good communication skills and interpersonal skills
• Able to travel (essential cause i stay in the East)
• Able to commit to long-term contracts
• Keen interest in Sports such as blading, rock climbing
• Experience in leader positions would be advantageous
  
• Able to work under stressful environments (aka.PMS situations)
• Knowledge of current affairs would be good
• Owns transport would be considered
  

Interested candidates, please send your resume to medea_lim@yahoo.com. We regret that only shortlisted candidates would be notified.

*tIng bursts out in laughter.*

I know most of you will think this is lame but it was fun coming up with a JD of my dream guy.

But i was bored!

Grey Matter

I need a guy with more grey matter between his ears. Is that so difficult?

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

I don't exist today.

Just reached home after a day of work.. My left eye is swollen due to my dirty lens! FUCK man.. its one of those irritating Mondays that i wished i could completely disappear!

Was walking to the optical shop to get my lens after work when i realised i left my handphone at work.. Under normal circumstances, a person would walk back to the office to get it right? But considering the fact that i'm far from normal and very anti social today, i didn't walk back to get my handphone.

I know it may sounds crazy but i just feel like being uncontactable today. I just don't feel like answering calls or replying to msgs. And FYI, i don't think replying or answering calls should be an obligation which comes along with having a phone.

I just don't feel like picking up.

FUCK ME.

Speaking of "Fuck Me", i would like to know since when it was alright to assume that a gal would sleep with you just because she invited you to her house to wait for her? C came over the other day and waited for me so that we could go out. I offered to meet him at Tamp since i wanted to get my earrings. But he insisted on coming over, which i thot was strange but i didn't make a big deal out of it.

When he came over, he assumed that he was allowed to lay his hands on ME! FUCKING HELL. Since when it was ok to touch a gal without her consent?! I was slightly pissed at him and told him if he continues trying to be funny, i'll have to ask him to leave. Which eventually i did. And he went off to meet his friends and i went to Tamp to meet Tim and gang.

I'm insulted. Can a guy keep his hands to himself?! I had enough. This morning, i woke up feeling pissed at every man. So when my ex msg me this morning, i was less than trilled. In fact, i really couldn't be bothered by his msg so i ended it asap.

I wanted to cut every guy's dick off.

Seriously.

I'm still feeling pissed right now, which resulted in me buying a pack of Menthol lights on my way home. If i die of lung cancer, i blame MEN. In fact, i blame them for everything. Wars, rain, cloudy skies, traffic jams, power failure, lousy TV programmes.. I blame them.

There's not enough bad word in the English dictionary to describe Men. I hope they all die. I know its mean of me to say this. But i hope they DIE.


*tIng lights up a stick and inhales deeply.*

I HOPE THEY DIE.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Crazy Thoughts

Click this if you are bored: http://www.crazythoughts.com/

My personal fave: Whats a question with no answer called?

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

18 hours of sleep

*tIng walks into the the room, looking very stoned.*

No.. i did not drink yesterday night. No i'm not taking drugs. I just woke up from my sleep marathon. 18 hours of non-stop sleep, which explains why i am blogging so early on a Sunday morning. *evil laughs* But somehow, i dont really feel as fresh i am supposed to. I think its because of the bad dreams i've been having.

Last friday (or rather thusday night), i dreamt that i was screaming in my dream. Wailing to be exact. Desperate, very sad and hurt.. I just kept wailling. Then i woke up. Sudden and in cold sweat. The feeling that something heavy was on my chest and i couldn't breathe. Scared and alone. Damm i hate this feeling.

At work, i interviewed this guy JY whose actually Huilin's friend. When i met up with him, i was abit taken aback by his simliarity with my ex. Maybe its the way he looks, the way he talks and the feeling he gives me. Exactly the same. Maybe ppl from Navy are all the same. *shrugs*

After work, i went home, changed and met C for a while. Or should i say the whole night to dawn. I'm strange. In past, all i wanted was a relationship with long term commitment. But after 2 guys in a row who ran away from me, i gave up.

Now, when its right in front of me, i rejected it. Maybe its because i have not gotten over things. But most importantly, i just don't feel like being in a relationship now. I'm afraid of ME not wanting to commit. I mean, C is a nice guy but i don't want to hurt him. I think he asked me at the wrong time. Not fated i guess... Now, if you ask me, i'll tell you i would like to date more than one person at the same time. I know its mean and totally immoral.

I JUST WANT TO PLAY.

Yes.. Now.. I want to play!

And party! (or rather waste my life away for a while.)

I'm bored.

Very bored.

I need to do more.

Club? Was supposed to go Chinablack but guess i over slept. *grinz* Right now, i'm alone at home. Its rainning now so guess I wun be able to blade/run today. Wanted to order Mac for lunch but i think its mean to ask ppl to ride in the rain just to delivery lunch. I'll wait till the rain stop. I think i wun die from late lunches.

I had a strange dream last night. Another one of my lesbian fantasties. Maybe its God's way of telling me i should be a lesbian. *considers* In my dream, i was kissing this beautiful gal and it was so sweet. Her body was warm and she smell so nice. Like flowers. And we were on the bed, just kissing.

I woke up, feeling happy.

I should be a lesbian.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Bonne Nuit

There's something at the back of my mind, telling me i NEED to do something. I feel restless. I need to DO SOMETHING. Exciting, something no one did before.. something that will take my breathe away and make my heart beat so fast till i feel as though i might fall over and die. Something that will push me to my limits for the one last time in my life.

But i cant figure out what is it.

Someone help me.

Oh, i think i'm going to watch "Corpse Bride" alone. Apparently, EVERYONE has watched it so i'll have to watch it alone. Not that i mind watching alone or anything. Guess i'll make a date with myself this Tueday or Wednesday evening to watch it. Just me and my popcorn at my fave cinema in GV TM. Been a long time since i last went back to visit. That place i called "home" for about 2 years of my life. The place when i grew up. All of a sudden, i wished things were as simple as that time in my life. Work was fun, friends were plenty and i had loads of popcorn (FREE!), lots of movies (FREE TOO!).

Life was simple.

I was simple.

Somethings never change.

But people do change.

I'm sorry if i may seem incoherent. Its way past my bed time and i'm not thinking straight cause my head feeling like its been hammered. Better go sleep now.. Bonne nuit

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Emotional Slut

Just got back from an evening with Sally and gang.. Watched the gigglo movie that was super SUPER lame and very funny.. Its one of those movies that don't really requires you to use any brain cells. Had great time with them and i really appreciate some time off from work..

Was at meetings the whole day cause its the quaterly reviews again.. The thing about corporate life is all about meetings.. meetings and more meetings. I don't deny the fact that meetings are important but having one at 8am in the morning can be a real torture. I was up at 6.30! I cant rem when was the last time i woke up at 6am!

*tIng faints.*

After the movie, we sat at TCC for coffee.. I had the MOST AMAZING YUMMY CHOCOLATE CAKE... Its was orgasmic! Yanwen showed us the things that ZZ gave to her (because he's leaving for Thailand today which actually explains why we are meeting.aka.create more chance for them to get together). He gave her his commando thingy that was suppose to remind her of him while he's away.

Someone did that a very long time ago. Similar situation.. similiar item..

*tIng thinks, silently, about it.*

Why do all guys think and behave the same way? *considers* I had it pinned up on my notice board. That was till one day when i suddenly looked upon it and decided it shouldn't stay there anymore. I took it off the board and stashed it in the plastic bag at the foot of my bed. Stuff that i'm going to return one day. I'm just collecting the stuff and feelings, putting them away. I'm giving them up soon. I know it.

How do i know this? Its the way i'm behaving. When i'm single, i can be a very bad person. In fact, i think i've pushed my limits, considering the fact that i was that close to someone's mistress/lover/third party or whatever you want to name it. That was 3 months before. Now, 3 months later, the same things are happening and i'm enjoying the carefree no strings attached relationships again. Its nothing to be happy about but it sort of gives me a feeling of freedom again. Just doing whatever i want and not being responsible for other people's feelings.

Am i being mean? Or is the the cruel fact of life? That i didn't mourn very long for my recently lost love. I feel bad. I should be mourning. But here i am, playing the game i played before.

I can only think of one phrase to describe me.

Emotional Slut.

I'm emotional.

I'm sluty.

And i do really hate myself for being like this.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Yellow.Sticky.Stuff

I don't think yellow stuff oozing out from a wound is a good sign, is it?

*tIng faints*

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

WARNING : Internal Bleeding. Read At Your Own Risks

I'm in pain. Horrible pain. *oUcH.. OucH oUch oUch...* Bloody time of the month.. *groans*

Had a very bad day at work today.. Was very irritable and edgy the whole morning. I snapped when my friend asked me very simple questions. It was to the extend that i hung up (more than once) on my clients! *evil laugh* I was so pissed of at some of them who kept saying "No no No no No", that i hung up on them. Of course i'm not supposed to do that but i was just sooo irritated.

For the rest of the day, hell broke loose. I lost one of my case cause there was a miscommunication between the client and the candidate. I have no new orders. None of my sales projections came in.

I want to kill myself NOW.

I'm hungry and there nothing that i want to eat... *considers*.. Nothing except HITZ biscuits... Chocolate filling biscuits with a cup of hot milo.. Yummy...

*tIng frowns.*

Judging by my condition now, it is highly likely that i wun be able to get out of my chair for at least 2 hours. So i guess i've have to starve. *sobz* I've realised i've been losing weight lately. Jennice commented that i look thinner. *shrugs* I told her being single is a very good diet. You just don't eat.

But i assure you people its not a diet suitable for everyone.

I'm going to try to not kill myself now. Going to lie down on my bed and think about happy thoughts.. Like HITZ biscuits.. Milo.. *drools*

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Me.Hungry.Emtionally Sulty

Ok.. Enough about gloomy thoughts already.. My blog is turning to sad that i might not even want to read it anymore. *terrified face*

Am still sitting in the kitchen, still blogging.. I must say that my previous post was not very well done but i'll touch it up when i think about it... Was listening to my Elva CD on the way to work.. Its been 5 years since i last touched the CD. Yes.. Its been that long. That's because i couldn't bring myself to listen to it as it brought back memories of my first boyfriend. Yupz.. 5 fucking years ago.. It took me 5 years to forgive that bastard. *considers* Given the current situation, i predict the next time i'll put on a pair of Levi's jeans would be in 2008 and the nex time i buy specs with thick plastic frame would be in 2009 and the next time i buy an orange tee shirt would be in 2010. *HmmmM*

Its just me. I'm strange. I usually find something to associate it with my ex-bf so that i can physically and mentally blocked them out of my life. Thing i that purposely avoid doing or buying. Strange? I don't think so. It's just process that i go through everytime so it became a habit. Maybe its because i've been hurt so many times that i actually recover faster now than i did before. I think the damage level is about 1/4 of me so i think i should be able to let things go in another month's time. Of course, this is just an estimation. Actually, its very hard to tell how fast emotional wounds heal. And even if they heal, scars still show. I've got lots to show too.

STOP

I'm being emotionally sulty again.

STOP

Am feeling very hungry right now as i worked very late and i had no time/mood to eat anything. As a result, i'm feeling pains in my stomach again for the tenth millionth time. I'm upset because i'm hungry. I'm feeling angry because there's nothing in me (both emtionally and physically). Argh.. This is one of those irritating days that are hard to get through. I foresee a tough week ahead of me.

Times like this i just want to curl up in my bed, under my blanket and sleep. I think i shall do that tonight.. Make myself a nice warm cup of Milo, put on a jazz CD, curl up in my bed and read "The Hobbit".

*tIng crawls out of the kitchen and collapses onto her bed.*

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Death : The Aftermath

Am sitting in my kitchen and blogging using my sis's com. My cousin's funeral just ended and i've been thinking about it...

Have been thinking about death (in general and my cousin's in particular) and it suddenly dawned on me how foolish i've been all this while. In fact, all this 21 years of my life.

I used to say things like how i'll eventually die alone so nothing really matters to me that much. As of now, i would like to seriously apologise to everyone in the world about saying such foolish and stupid things. I take my words back.

You'll never die alone. No one will.

When you die, you are not alone. You family, friends and relatives are all dying with you. A part of them dies when you die. A part of their heart dies with you. I know this cause i saw it yesterday at my cousin's wake. I saw things in front of me and i knew it.

Your death is, quite ironically, not your own private affair. Alot of people are involved in your death. People you knew while you were alive and even people you have never met in your life (and never will quite matter of factly) are involved. Your family, friends, monks/priests, funeral palour helpers.. All of them involved in your death while you lie sliently in your coffin, doing nothing.

Sometimes, life is just that strange.

Mental note to self: Make funeral plans before I die.

I guess i feel really sad for my cousin's death. I wished there was something more i could do for him so that he'll not have to suffer in his afterlife. I believe people who killed themselves actually suffers in hell and the only way to help them is to do more good deeds in their name.

Mental note to self again: Do good deeds in cousin's name when possible.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

I want to sell my laptop

I want to sell my laptop. Does anyone has any idea how i should go about it? Or anyone can recommend a place or person i could sell to? Mail me..

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

A Long Boring Post

Was looking at my own blog trying to decide whether i should at a stat counter.. Finally i've decided not to put it up cause i don't want to know who reads my blog nor do i want to know how many ppl read my blog.

Its not a popularity contest. Many bloggers use sexy photos or sex stories to "sell" their blog. For a period of time, blogs were about who has the most sensational stories or photos. I like to take sexy photes of myself. But lately, i've been trying to lay low. Not wanting too much attention from friends, family, ex-bfs and strangers. I'm keeping myself away from everyone it seems. Building a wall again? I don't think so. More like filtering out unnecessary potential people who might harm me.

I don't really cares who reads my blog. As i've mentioned before and i shall say it again for one last time, my blog only reflects a very little portion of me. The portion that words can be used to describe me. I can say today i'm funny. But you'll really have to spend time and talk to me to find my jokes funny. Or rather, there are certain issues i feel strongly about that i don't think its wise to discuss in my blog. Talk to me and you'll know i have thoughts/views. Talk to me to know me.

Trust me. Blogs are not reflective of me as a person.

Opps.. I seem to have side-tracked abit here. Anyway, the boys are coming over for steamboat later but we have not prepared anything! Gosh.. I should start preparing. My mum told me to clear my room since they are coming over, which i am NOT going to cause i don't give a damm what they thinks and knowing them for so long they don't give a damm about how my room looks. Hahah.

I feel abit strange. I find myself picturing how my cousin died over and over again in my mind. I must stress that we are not very close to my cousin. But the way he killed himself just keep popping up inside my head. The images of him lying on the bed, lifeless with his head covered with plastic bags. *shivers* I can imagine him gasping for air during the last few minutes of his life.

I'm never comfortable dealing with deaths. Even watching them in movies throws me off. I try to avoid war films cause personally i cannot handle the emotions or see death happening right in front of me. Last time i tried to watch "Brotherhood", i had to leave halfway cause i cant take it. Its not the bloody images nor was it the bombings. It was more of the fact that people are capable of doing such terrible acts to their own kind. And people die from their selfish acts. It really scares me.

I may appear unfeeling at times but i feel things that i don't say them out. I know i'm more sensitive than others but yet i try to keep that side away from most people. I don't want to appear weak. So only a few people have seen/heard me cry. I guess is only Danny and Kit lately. And i'm sort of trying to push Kit away cause i don't want to start things all over again. It was my mistake in the past and i do not wish to repeat that. It was my conquest, gone wrong. But anyway, i'm putting Danny on my speed dial now. I know he'll understand me. We both have a problem with rage. The fact that he threw a rubbish bin into the sea just to vent his anger shows that we are the same kind of people. He does it to things around me and i do stuff mainly to myself. *shrugs* But seriously, we tamed down alot. Things were worse a few years back. He used to go for tattoos every time he felt hurt by his gf and i hurt myself everytime someone hurts me. It takes alot to overcome this. And there are people who judge our behaviour out there. Its hard to find friends who you know will not judge the things you do.

I love my boys. I really do.


Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

A Cut and An Itchy Back

Just woke up after an afternoon of napping.. I woke up cause i was feeling hungry and also partly because my mum came in to my room to check on me and she saw the wound on my left elbow. Oh yes.. I went blading with the gang in the afternoon.

I was determined to blade even if its drizzling.

My determination eventually caused my downfall. Yes. Literally. D-O-W-N-F-A-L-L.. which means that i not only FELL DOWN.. But i fell down the slope... *sobz* And now i have a cut on my left elbow, which i am certain i WILL NOT put any lotion my mum tries to force on me cause i know for a fact that there's a possibility that they might be expired.

*tIng shakes her head.*

It's dangerous to use stuff around my house. Cause my mum is not very good at keeping track of things and because my mum is my mum.. i know she can be TAT BLUR. She'll just apply expired lotion on me and NOT realise it.

I think i should give a short report on my health and body status. So here it goes:

1) Cut on left elbow from blading
2) Aching arms from rock climbing
3) Peeling skin from sun tanning

I think i'm sadistic. Look at the things i've done to myself. *tsk tsk* And i always said i love myself more than anything in the world. What will happen to those ppl that i don't love? I don't dare to think of the things i might do to them.. Hahahah

The other night while showering, my back was itching badly but i cant scratch it bacause i cant bend my arms. And it got to a point when i was jumping up and down (yes, naked if you need the details) in my bathroom, trying to scratch my back!

That was IT.

I was pissed. Not with anyone in particular but at my situation. Why does my back has to itch when i cant bend my arms? Why does my back has to itch when no one is at home to help me scratch my back?

WHY I DON'T HAVE THE BACK SCRATCHING STICK THING AT HOME!?!

I was sooo pissed i eventually gave up and got dressed instead. (Mental note to self: buy back scratching thing. ) My back's starting to itch again. *argh* I'm going back to bed after i finish 2 bread and Milo. *yawnz*

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Rain.Video.Think.

Its another Saturday morning at work. Had 3 interviews today so i HAD TO BE AT WORK. How boring.. It looks like its going to rain soon.. Blading plans has been postponed.. I'm bored. Seriously bored... Am thinking of other activities that i could do.. One of which is shopping for food for tomorrow's steamboat with the guys.. *considers* Maybe i'll go NTUC later..

But that's if i really have NO CHOICE..

Am thinking of going home to sleep and basically laze around for awhile. Or rent another of those cheesy video and stuff my face with chips. Either that or i'll wait for the rain to stop and go jogging..

Think think think..

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

KTV.Death. Thoughts.

Just reached home from a KTV session with Yenny, Jerry and the rest. On my way home, i was thinking about how bored i was and i needed to do something. Something like a little project... A tattoo was wat i was thinking about.. Or another just something to distract my mind..

My mum called. One of my distant cousin killed himself today. I don't really know what emotions i should be feeling. Sad? Cause he's still so young. Scared. I'm afraid i might do the same thing.

I'm feeling uneasy about the thoughts in my head.

I need something to distract me. Going to find someone to talk to. Danny perhaps? We were talking on the fone last night and he was telling i should behave myself and carry myself properly when i'm in front of other guys/people. They may think badly of me.

I disagree.

If i have to care about what everyone thinks about me, i'll most prob never leave my house. Or maybe never be happy. I cant decide which is worse.

I need to go.

Thoughts about death is lingering at the back of my mind.

I'm not safe to be with myself right now.

I think to go and think about it.

Death.

What does it mean to die?

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

One Green Apple. One Annoying Candidate

Been a few days since i last updated my blog.. Been kinda busy with stuff so i'll start from where i left off..

Tuesday Night
Over our conference session, the boys decided they wanted to come over and hang over at my place. I was cool with that. Basically we were bored and wanted company. Not to mention Danny needed advice on his relationship problem.

Boys came over around 9 plus and i cooked noodles ( for me only, i'll never cook for a guy ever again.. Its going back to the start. They'll cook for me.. Come to think of it, most guys i've dated cooked for me.. Especially Kong..) Ate and listened to Danny bitched about his gf. Gave him my opinions here and there.. but didn't want to comment too much.. Who am i to say anything when most of my relationships failed miserably? And i don't know his gf THAT well so who am i to judge what she does?!

Smoked in my room while the boys raided my cupboards. Wanted to dare Danny to wear my undies but i thought that would be pushing my limits.. Hahaha.. Funny eh.. I bet he'll look fantastic in my lacy undies.. *slurps*

The boys are bad bad bad influence.. When i'm with them, i sometimes forget i'm a gal and start to behave like a boy too. We talk, we swear, we smoke, we drink and we dare each other to do silly stuff and thinks its funny. God. I need to stop this.. Hahaha.. Tim was proposing we go drinking again on Friday night but i don't think that's going to happen. I'm scared of them! They'll make me drink more than just Strobe and most likely i'll be too wasted to go work on Saturday morning.

Must Not... Give.. In.. To.. PEER PRESSURE.... *struggles*

Wednesday
Work as usual.. But this candidate of mine managed to piss me off right to the point where i felt insulted personally and i'll make it my business to educate him on RESPONSIBILITY. Since his parents cant teach him well, i shall do it.

WELL, SOMEONE HAS TO DO THE DIRTY JOB!

Basically, he didn't show up for an interview i arranged for him. When the client called at 5.30pm (interview was at 5pm), i realised he didn't show up. I called immediately but he simply refused to answer my calls.

*tIng crosses her arms, giving a very stern look.*

Oh boy oh boy.. You think i'll give up calling you? Fuck it.. You are soo wrong about me. *evil laugh* I just kept calling!! I called from 5.30pm to 6.30pm. Non-stop. There was once when he picked up but he didn't speak up at all, which made me even more PISSED.

I had to rush off to my rock climbing session so i stopped for a while. But it ain't over YET! I kept calling him when i was walking to Orchard MRT, where i met Sally and Yanwen. We reached Yishun about 7.30pm, changed into our tee shirts and waited for our turn to rock climb.
It was fun! I must admit i'm a total newbie at this. Cant say i've done it the right way either. Somewhere in between the top and the ground i got stuck and almost wanted to give up. I begged Colin to let me down but the gals and guys kept urging to move up. And you know what? I did! Somehow, i made it to the TOP! I'm so proud of myself!

If i can conquer a rock wall, i can do anything!

*tIng shows a smug look on her face.*

But i think i really didn't do it right, which explains why my arms feel like they no longer belong to my body anymore. I think they are breaking.. *oUch..*

But anyway, after rock climbing we went to Yishun central for supper. Tim picked me up after that and we went for a little talk-cock session with one of his army friends. Danny couldn't join us cause he was having a showdown with his then ex-gf. Apparently, they agreed to write down a list of the things they can do and cannot do so that they can use that as a guide in case they argue in the future.

*tIng makes a face.*

Argh.. I'll never do something like that. Firstly, its not at all romantic. Love isn't something that you can write down like some kind of business proposal. *considers* Actually, you know what? I'm just bull-shitting. Hahahahha... I'm just too coward to do that cause i know i'm always fickle-minded about what i want. *considers*

Maybe that explains why no one loves me?!

But anyway, after talking awhile with Tim and his friend at Yishun Dam, Danny called and we decided to meet up at Danny's place instead. That was about 12 plus in the morning. Met up with Danny.. Talked for awhile more.. and Tim sent me home about 2.30am..

Guess what?! Even before i went to bed.. I STILL TRIED TO CALL MY CANDIDATE! Hahaha.. I know it sounds crazy but i think i deserve an explanation on why he didn't show up. And i'm not giving up! He better change his number cause i ain't giving up! Lalalallala..

YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CANT HIDE FROM ME.aka.CRAZY BITCH!

Fell asleep ard 3am.. Cant say i slept well at all cause i woke up at 5.36am feeling scared. Its been happening far too frequent lately. Its to the extend that i'm going nuts. Maybe i should find someone to sleep with. *considers* I mean really just sleeping with someone. Not sex or anything but just having a presence next to me makes me feel abit safer. Actually, this was one of the reasons why i had 3 pillows on my bed in my old room. Jus to fill up the empty space next to me so i wun wake up feeling alone... But that was until i watched a Fengshui programme which said that having 3 pillows increase the 3rd party problems in a relationship. Den i decided 2 pillows might work out betterfor my relationship. So now that i have 2 pillows on my bed..

I feel.... NOTHING CHANGED! *raise eyebrow* I seriously doubt that what the Fengshui master said was accurate at all.

1) I don't feel secure at all.
2) I'm still not in a relationship (maybe what he meant about the 3 pillows is that there wun be a relationship, thus no 3rd party problems?)
3) I wake up everyday feeling scared!

Maybe what he said was just plain rubbish. *considers* But anyway, no plans to get more pillows..

Thursay
Woke up by Tim's msg this morning at 7am, telling me its time to wake up and call my candidate. Hahahha. Which was exactly what i did! I bet he's going nuts with all my missed calls! Which i hope he does cause he DESERVED IT! Meiting may not be the smartest or prettiest gal around.. but when it comes to Persistence.. I've got lots of it. *evil laugh*

I actually wanted to refrain from using the word "Persistence". But i guess i should not be too sensitive to things anymore. Its really doesn't matter anymore.

Anyway.. Been listening to Coco Lee's song all week.. Yes i bought the entire album just for ONE song.. but i got it cheap.. Its only $9.90... I just put that song on repeat everyday.. Sound silly but i like it.. Going to put up the lyrics in a while..

Dinner for tonight... ONE GREEN APPLE.. YUMMY... *drools*

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

a KiSs tHat CamE 11 yEaRs toO LaTe

Still on a conference call with the guys.. Threesome!! Hahahaha.. It's just like 11 years ago when we are kids and chatting over the phone. Except...... except for one thing...

We can conference now!!!

We used to have to take turns to talk to each other but now we can talk together without having to pissed each other off. And the guys don't have to get jealous on who gets to talk with ME!

Isn't it wonderful?

Went out yesterday with Sally, Yannie and Eva for a movie, Andy Lau's movie. Its was very touching and i nearly cried. In fact, all the gals cried. *frownz* Crying at the movies is not my kind of thing. I only do it when i'm alone.

Had kinda of an emergency to handle so i had to rush off after the movie to meet Danny and Tim at Fishermen's Village. Apparently, Danny's gf broke up with him last Saturday and being his best buddies, me and Tim were there to offer him moral support.aka.Drink-with-him-till-he's gone. We ordered like 2 buckets of Strobe and i had about 2 and a half bottles. We kept drinking and we just kept talking and talking. Talked about our childhood, talked about our relationships, talked about anything and everything. Its been a long time since our last drinking session.

Played "Truth or Dare" and after a couple of rounds of drinks, we were crazy enough to do anything. I dared Tim to kiss Danny. And Danny dared me to kiss Tim. And Tim dared Danny to kiss me. Hahahaha. It was sooo CRAZY!! We are so past the puppy love stage and it was like a kiss that came 11 years too late. *considers* Iwas so drunk that i puked outside the toilet. *bleah..* Yucks.. Normally i dont drink so much, especially when i'm with guys. But so much happened lately that i really felt that i need to just LET GO of myself. And i did. Fortunately, Danny and Tim are people i trust. In fact, i think they are the ONLY people i can count on them to be there whenever i need them.

We drank till it was 1.30am in the morning. After which, the boys sent me home and Danny walked me up to my place. Ok.. Something happened and i think it was the alcohol and we were not in the right frame on mind.

Danny kissed me (on the lips).

Don't judge me yet. I don't know wat happened but it just did. And i spent the whole of last night and today thinking about what happened. I blame it on the alcohol and the fact tat we both lost someone we loved. Its nothing serious.

I'll get over it.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

It is possible to feel every part of your body.

I just realised something very important when i woke up this afternoon. It is possible to feel every part of your body. How do i know this? Cause every inch of my muscle/fats/insulation screams in PAIN. *grinz*

My thighs are aching so much i think i can hardly walk. I think blading is a very VErY VERY good whole body workout. I was sweating like pig yesterday at East Coast. I think i did not bad for a person who has not bladed in a very long time. Only fell once (on my back)... which explains why my tailbone area is hurting right now. It really hurts to fall on your back. But i tried to get up immediately. I'm those kind of stubborn person who refuses help when i fall. Its ok to fall. But its what you do after a fall that reflects what kind of person you are. You can whine/groan/complain all about it or you can get up and try again.

I chose the second one.

I guess no matter how much you hurt yourself, things are always gets better after you get up. And it really did. I managed to go up and down East Coast for like 4 times without falling anymore. In fact, we even took part in the 98.7FM audition for Midnight blading! We didn't make it of course. I mean.. we are not professionals or anything. But it was fun!

I believe that i can do anything if i put my mind to it.

After blading, Sally and Yanwen wento to their friends birthday party. Me, Zhizong and Eva had dinner at the foodcourt there. Basically we (Zhizong didn't have any comments, only me and Eva) talked about my relationship views. We talked about me, Sally and Sailorboy. She said she knew about the complicated relationship and i told her why i never said anything to Sally about why and how we broke up. I guess there's no use saying anything more and I don't want Sally to talk to him about me. Its not healthy at all and i really just want things to be the things they were. I want to pretend that he never came in between us.

Later in the night, Sally and Yanwen joined us for a KTV session. I sang alot of songs, especially Coco Lee's songs. Its mostly sad love songs but i was in the mood for it. Think i might go get the cds... We sang all the way till 4am in the morning! I was dead tired after that but the rest of the gang wanted to have prata so we ended up at a coffee shop near Yanwen's place eating prata. By the time Qinglai sent me home, it was 5.30am! He was so nice to send me home even though he stay in Toa Payoh. Zhizong sent Yanwen home. I think things are going good between them. Hope Yanwen has better luck in her love life than me.

Am going to rest my body/fats/muscles for the rest of the day.. Plans for next week..

Monday - Movie Corpse Bride (I love Tim Burton's movies!)
Tuesday - Jogging
Wednesday - Rock climbing
Thursday - Rest day
Friday - Drinking with Danny?
Saturday - Blading again! *grinz*
Sunday - Rest day!

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.

Something to look forward to..

Yawnz.... I'm completely shagged out and have absolutely no mood to work! ARGH!!!!!! Why? Why do i have to work on a Sat morning?!!

*tIng slams her head into the wall.*

I was home very late yesterday nite, No i was not a a club. No i was not watching a mid night movie. AND NO I'M NOT HAVING ANY ACTION. I was actually "conned" to a MLM company by one of my gal pals! And i was held "hostage" there for like 3 hours!!!!! Can you believe that?! They just kept talking and talking and talking! I wasn't even paying any attention! I feel so cheated by my fren. She asked me out for dinner and i thought she was just being nice. But what was supposed to be an innocent dinner date turned out to be a trap.

But never mind.. I shall not talk about it anymore.. I'm soo tired.

Am going to East Coast to blade with some friends.. I'll try my best not to crash into the following:

1) Trees
2) Bikes
3) Walking people
4) Rubbish bins
5) Anything that moves

Instead, i shall try to do the following:

1) Blade as smoothly as possible
2) Try to fall gracefully
3) Have fun

*tIng giggles.*

Gosh i'm so looking forward to this! So exciting! I'm going to meet Candice for lunch tomolo.. Also rock climbing next wed! Another thing to look forward to! Its nice to have things to look forward to. Otherwise, life would be so mundane and i'll most likely die from boredom.

Lately, it seems the only things i'm looking forward to doing are just blogging, chatting with Changqi, emailing Kong, meeting gals for sports, jogging... Nothing really big happening.. It has sort of become a routine in my life. But i'm happy. Much happier than i was a few weeks back. I've realised that sometimes you can feel more alone in a relationship even when there's 2 of you. But when single, you feel more complete. I don't know if its just me or maybe there are many people who feel the same way. I guess the theory of finding another person to complete you is not a very safe theory.

I mean what if the other person makes you feel less than complete? Its too risky and i'm not a very big risk taker.

I'm going to keep a low profile for a while.

Am i all alone in this universe?
There's no love on these streets.
I've given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.